Wild Parvenu: Maxi-Single
Info-data:
Beauty
Product was part of a corporate management tool custom built for
MimmsOssendorf, a mid-sized New Jersey-based financial
services boutique which specialized in NYSE-listed ETFs
that tracked various regional retail weaponry sectors and securitized
high-risk bail-bonds. In the wake of an extraordinarily severe
restructuring program, the company enlisted a well-known consulting
firm to mitigate the short-term negative effects on staff morale in a
cost-effective manner. The results of a full
performance audit, marathon "paleo" business brunches,
and prescription drug-enhanced
lateral "imagineering" sessions at some of New Jersey's top
exurban motel conference centers were initially described as a
“stunning triumph for blue-sky-thinking” (the word “disruptive”
was deployed approvingly in multiple New York Times
opinion pieces).
Lean
Scening, as it was unfortunately christened, involved offsetting
potential productivity dips brought on by workforce reductions with
budget-friendly cultural components. In addition to the obvious
motivational value of such a program, providing high-performing staff
members with exclusive bespoke culture bundles would serve as a way
for MimmsOssendorf to fortify staff loyalty (headhunters
contracted by competitors would not be able to promise an equivalent
content package). Additionally, the project included an "Aspiration
Alignment" feature, which involved non-verbal, subconscious cues
embedded within the content itself.
The
Beauty Product project
was realized in-house. The vocals and arrangements for the
compositions were reportedly provided by one Clarence Kemp,
at the time a senior vice-president with MimmsOssendorf.
Later becoming a radical Objectivist implicated in several
politically-motivated incidents, he spent his early years in Europe,
the son of a US Air Force officer. For a time he attended an elite
boarding school near Innsbruck, where he participated in the
institution's tape-music program while concurrently developing an
intense passion for the ideas of local 19th
century economist Eugen
Böhm von Bawerk.
Perhaps
a case of too-little-too-late, Lean Scening's inaugural (and,
so far, only) implementation could not save MimmsOssendorf.
The brokerage had become severely over-leveraged after a bizarrely
high-volume series of investments in the beleaguered submarine
sandwich giant Quiznos, when
the Libor scandal
broke resulting in shaken investor confidence and increased
regulatory scrutiny on exactly the type of derivatives which
represented the firm's core business. In October 2012
MimmsOssendorf filed for Chapter 11. Among its assets
auctioned off to appease jilted creditors were the rights to the
Beauty Product back-catalogue, as well as the original tape
masters. Thought to have been in the portfolio of the Luxembourg
Pension Saving Company for a brief time, a significant percentage
of these were eventually (and very generously) donated to the
Strategic Tape Reserve by a prominent Belgian podiatrist.
The
Beauty Product – Wild Parvenu Maxi-Single consists
of three tracks:
- Wild Parvenu is a carefully calculated balance of cheese-funk and slow-house meant to instill in the listener a casual feeling of superiority. The synthesized flute solo was designed to represent making the transition from giving 100% to giving 110% without breaking a sweat.
- If I'd Only Known Where You Buried My Heart is a traditional doom-soaked revenge-disco workout anthem.
- Silver In The Gray is a 12-minute sentimental journey firmly rooted in the future-dub adult-contemporary scene, which allows the listener to deal with non-desire-based emotions in a controlled context.
As
per the mediated binding decision negotiated by MimmsOssendorf and
the RIAA, this release is available as a free download to registered
members of the US Chamber of Commerce and the National Rifle
Association. The cassette version comes packaged with a glossy A3
motivational poster which should conform to most international
cubical ornamentation guidelines.
Link to purchasing portal
Link to purchasing portal
